CRASH

Racing along the viaduct. Been goin way too fast lately.

It was Tuesday, must have been about 11:30. I was sitting in a crowded bar, in the back corner, I looked around, and that's when it happened, the bottom fell out of my certainty. There was no comfort, not in the friends I had surrounded myself with, not the drinks I had poured into my stomach, nor the woman sitting across from me, desperate to catch my eye. I switched my beer to water, stopped talking, went cold, everything changed in 2 seconds. Everything. I am no longer the spectator, the flaneur, sitting idle, observing. I have imprinted myself upon this group, effecting them. I am known.

Gossip spreads through a forest like wild fire, snapping and cracking the dry branches as it breathes and eats all in its path. The past couple days I have went from lion, to coyote, mutt of the open plain with trapped paw in a cold metal clamp in the dead of winter. Licking blood soaked fur in a field coated with white snow, brown naked trees encased in ice, thrashing to get free only causes more pain, discomfort, delusion. Visions so quiet they are as loud as a Starbucks at 9am, stuffed with khaki covered office workers discussing their exercise routines. I hurt, so I hurt others.

Wednesday and Thursday was slow. Friday will be fast. Speed, induced by italian drug dealers in muscles cars, their protection spitting on the sidewalk in long drawn out gobs pushed through the teeth.

Saturday, unknown.