Is it just a waste of time?

I spent a Sunday at home for the first time in ages. There isn't much you can do with seven dollars in your pocket, so it wasn't exactly by choice. I went downstairs to the Seven Eleven to get a slurpee, but opted for a coffee from the Starbucks instead. Mostly because of the automobile sitting in the middle of the Seven Eleven. I don't know how it happened, but someone drove their mid sized sedan straight through the front door, clean across to the other side of the store. The car took out everything in its path, the counter, the newspaper rack, the coffee bar, and no doubt the clerk. What if I had been there too? Standing at the counter, buying snacks to wile the day away. Instead, I sat at the Starbucks watching the crowd gather around the mayhem. Such a thin line between idleness and tragedy. People stopped to get out of their cars for a better look. I sat there smoking, and noticed that most of the people that got out of their cars were poorly dressed, and horribly overweight.

Their isn't much to do on days like these, when everyone has a dinner to go to, or family to see. I tried to call my mother, but there was no answer. Later, when I was smoking again, sitting in my window sill this time, watching two seagulls fucking across the alley, I remembered that she was in Vegas. I guess I will call her next week.

I have been smoking non stop all day. I haven't been able to afford cigarettes all week so I have to play catch up. I was hosting a band practice in my place the other night when the intercom announced an unexpected guest downstairs. It was Katie, she brought me a pack of cigarettes. She was coming from a show. I think she just wanted me to see how good she looked, mission accomplished. Fuck. She has some new guy chasing her now, a real international fella, works for the Canadian embassy. I have seven dollars.

I lent someone my last twenty dollars to buy their mother a gift. I didn't mind so much, and took pleasure in helping to pick out just the right thing. Too bad I wasn't invited to the party. I wonder if she liked it? The mother that is. It got me thinking that I haven't been to a barbecue in 1.5 years. I was invited to one today, by Frannie. I didn't go. I think she's catching on that I am a lot of fun on a Friday night, but not ideal for long term prospects. So I decided to stay home. What's the point? I'll just fall in love with her, and she won't want me.

I have been tempted to drink the bottle of Canadian Club that I have resting on my bar. I am saving it for the James Murphy Experience on Tuesday night. I keep imagining how I will sneak swigs of a 26oz. bottle of whiskey in a bar room. I guess stay up front, in the crowd. I am going with Frannie and Elema, maybe they will shelter me from the view of the bouncers. Maybe I can use it as an excuse to get extra close to Elema.

Hopefully things will return to normal shortly. The Seven Eleven will reopen, the holiday will be over, and I will get my 25million. I was sitting outside the grocery store 2 days ago, after I bought a loaf of bread and a bag of chips. Sitting on the patio outside, I looked at the super 7 sign with balloons attached to it, waving at me in the breeze. I went in and bought a ticket, and stuck it to the empty fridge.

I will win. I'm just lucky that way.