Vagabonds' Rest

2001: A Space Odyssey



Yesterday my senses opened,
At a rap-a-tap from Reason,
Inspiring in me an intention
Which I never had before,
Seeing that through all my days
My life has been just what it is.
Therefore when I rose I said,
To-day shall be as yesterday,
Since Reason tells me I have been
From day to day the self-same thing.
-- W. H. Hudson

Dearest, gentle reader, I haven't been around much because that last party I went to nearly killed me. As I lie here on my back, 6 days after said event, with my laptop propped up on my chest, the keyboard resting just beneath my chin bringing the screen close enough so that I can see what I am typing, I am finishing a colossal illness all brought on by passing out with my contact lenses in.

It all started last Tuesday, when I woke up with my contacts folded up in my eyes mixed up with all this white shit. I made it to work, felt quite lovely by 3pm and by 5 was on my way with Remington, by cycle, to the grocery store to pick up bread and vegetables for a pot luck dinner we were making at Gio's place with the rest of the band. For eight months, usually on the weekends, through all the seasons, from his garage, to our studio, or in his bedroom, Gio had been recording and producing our album, it was finished and now we were celebrating. We drank, ate good food, and listened to the fruits of our labor. A document to all the special times we had shared together over the past while. Leroy entertained us all with hilarious impersonations of Christopher Walkin, and I decided to kill my hangover from the night before with a beer and a double shot of Wild Turkey.

I got home around 11:30 and my left eye was stinging a bit, so I took my contact lens out and noticed my eye was a bit red, but figured it was just irritated from all the randy behavior over the past 24-hours, so I jumped into bed, cracked open the iBook and was slamming away at the keyboard at a dizzying pace, telling you all about my Monday night with Lucy and Frannie, when half way through my left eye started to twitch and water. I looked at my eye in the mirror and it had begun to swell. So I went back to the writing, hoping I could finish soon enough to get a decent nights rest. Well, as you can see below, I did finish, but by the time I had posted the entry, my eye was completely closed over and had swollen shut with white puss around the corners. Rather than panic, I just went to sleep, hoping it would be better by the time I woke up. No such luck, in fact, by the time I woke up, my eye was completely sealed shut, the stuff that leaked out of it acting as a glue once it had dried around my eye. I went to the doctor with my sunglasses on, navigating my way up the street with only my right eye working. The doctor looked shocked at the site of what she was confronted with. I was a mess, and she was lovely, young, educated, successful, humanitarian, kind, helps the helpless, and dressed impeccably. She got so close to me with her eye examining, light emitting thing, that I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her tight, her skin was perfect. I must have repulsed her.

Well, I got my prescription, was sent on my way, started taking the eye drops and all that business, and my eye started to return to a normal state. But not without running my immune system down enough to allow a vicious cold to beat down my already beaten down body. For days I have been in and out of a feverish state, the apartment is destroyed. I missed dinners, meetings, a birthday party, and a date. I hallucinated my ex-wife unlocking the door and coming in to check on me, her hair with that slight smell of the outdoors, a hint of wood smoke and perfume. I could feel her hand on my forehead, cool and soft, pushing back my hair. Then I would realize where I was and get up to walk across the empty apartment for a glass of water, stopping to look out the huge windows and the buildings lit up on the skyline. I would open my eyes again, and see Ananta in the kitchen, preparing soup and washing dishes in her white undershirt. Then, almost instantly, it was daytime, and I could see my daughter standing at the end of my bed, with her backpack on, waiting for a ride out of this place. I haven't been able to put my contacts in for days, so I haven't seen anything in detail for almost a week now. I walked to the store on a Saturday evening to get some more medication, I felt like I was floating across the street, everything fuzzy and faces blurry till I could get close enough to see their expressions, but mostly I just had to walk the busy street oblivious to anything around me. The air felt lovely, but I didn't feel a part of that world at all. The night. Everything is all the time.

I sense some aspect of normalcy on the horizon, but I am not quite there yet. I look out from my bed and everything is still blurry, except for these black letters that my fingers are making with calculated movements in front of my eyes. And now you will read this, and maybe you will imagine my circumstance, my place in life, and wonder where we are all headed, because we are in this together, dear, gentle reader.