Catcher

Pounding house red through a 16 course meal at the office Christmas dinner, I can't remember half the shit I ate tonight. I do however recall all the things that were said around me, making my heart wince, making me realize that there was nowhere to go when the red wine ran out, which was too fucking early. The couple across from me, they were in love. They talked about when they met, how chance and special it was. She wore a necklace on her naked neck that I couldn't take my eyes away from when I would tip my glass. It wasn't her, it was what she represented, a quiet ride home in a warm car, the glow of a TV, and the sound of a voice in the morning. I started home on foot, but stopped at a payphone to call Jacque, and before I knew it found myself smoking crack beside a blue dumpster in a dark alley. Jacque and I, we're trouble. I finally made the final leg of my journey home, the corners of the building streaked into the side of my eye right eye, the sound of my steps rang with too much treble.

I applied for a job in New York today. This is what I do now. I apply for jobs in rediculous and exotic locales, relying heavily on the fact that no one will call. I kissed a girl in Manhattan, she was a shoe designer at the same place I applied at today. I imagined passing her in the hallway if I got hired while I was eating my pastrami sandwich in the back of my office.

There's this revolving restaurant downtown. You can see it from almost anywhere in the city. I've booked a table there, on Christmas morning. I am going to have brunch, drink a bottle of something, and spin all over the town, revel in my loneliness, be happy on my holidays.

I went to my daughters dance recital tonight, I watched her smile proudly to me as I sat at the far end of her family. My eyes stung, and my nose burned, but still, everyone, including myself, seemed like they were in a big hurry to get out of there, to live our lives, to find what we were looking for. But really, we should have been tucking her into bed. A kiss on the forehead, and a door left slightly ajar.