More Than This...

I've been listening to the workers upstairs yelling at each other in a language I don't understand for hours now, they've been pounding around and calling each other, "fucking asshole" while they renovate the apartment above me. The sky is royal blue and clear, it beckons me outside, I can see it from my bed where i've been assessing my life with a haze in my head from staying up past the point of no return the night before.

This place was supposed to be soundproof. That's all I wanted when I was looking for a new apartment, was to be left alone in silence, or to the sound of the sub I stuffed under my couch. Especially after I listened to my neighbors destroy their apartment followed by a knife fight in the bedroom above me at the last 3 story walk-up I will ever live in; which eventually forced me into a situation where I had to testify in court about what I had heard. So, I am traumatized by the sounds neighbors make. I never want to hear people walking around, or taking a piss, or listening to their shitty music ever again. The reason I was under the impression that the place I am living in now is soundproof was because there was a bloody grow-op in the loft above me, so I've been living beneath a garden for almost two years now, and plants are very quiet; excellent neighbors in fact. Furthering the myth no one could hear me are the massive timbers running the length of my ceiling. They're a wonder to look at, cut down at a time when trees that big were plentiful, majestic giants reduced to the endless tast of supporting a floor. They must be worth a fortune now, and they give such an aura of solidness I was certain my decadence and debauchery was going completely unnoticed all this time. Well the past week has revealed that this is not the case, the grow op was raided and it has been nonstop racket up there for weeks now. Which has caused me to relive certain instances that make me feel terribly sorry for the poor woman who lives downstairs with the nice shoes, the bright frocks, a little dog of some sort, and a meek demeanor. Mostly it was just insane fucking that she would have been privy to; along with hi-balls falling out of hands, smashing bricks of party ice on the ground to break it into cubes, dancing with hard heeled shoes on Saturday nights, jumping around with my guitar and pretending I was Jon Bon Jovi on Sunday mornings, and blasting music at 4am at least three nights a week. Maybe I should apologize, tell her I had no idea this building was so, revealing. I feel completely embarrassed, but those were the dark days.

So now I am lying here looking for a place to move. I should be sleeping, but I can't. I got home at 5am after having dinner with the band I play in. We had finished playing a show, then went for pizza so we could laugh about the crowd which was an odd mix of used clothing purchasers and slutty drunk college kids who were having a frat party. The women, well, no, wait they were girls. The girls all had dresses on, and the guys ties. They danced, had sex in the washroom, in the back of the bar, made their mates cry, and then they went home satisfied customers. It was one of the strangest shows we've ever played, but it was a total blast and there we sat, eating the money we made and playing true or false. Where basically you could just announce anything by saying "true or false" before you said it. Between bites of one of the seven appetizers we ordered LeRoy could barely get through his confession, "True or False. I once formed a band in grade 3 with twin brothers who had just moved from India and couldn't speak a word of english, or play instruments. We were called the Jazzy Three, and they were scared of me," which sent everyone at the table into that early morning giddy laughter that borders on crying.

We must have been loud and annoying to the waitress, but at least she doesn't live with us. I'm always moving, I hate moving. What's the point in owning anything if you have to carry it everywhere all the time? I want to sell all my shit, get out of here, live in a tent and watch sunsets, but I'll just get some sleep instead.